The World Is Broken

Friday December 14th, 2012 will forever be a day in history that the world broke not unlike how September 11 did in 2001. There is no parent or human for that matter, who can not be affected by the massacre of 20 elementary school children and 6 faculty. Most of my friends have at least 1 child who falls into the age range of the victims, myself included. I watched the news in shock with tears streaming down my face and my heart beating hard in my chest. You can’t fight the nightmare of being in the shoes of the parents at the school. Of getting that call. Of that long drive to the school. You just can’t help it. The natural instinct I had was to run to my car and speed to my children and pull them from school and never let them out of my sight again…ever! Instead Brent and I spent the weekend hugging, loving, holding and spoiling our kids. I didn’t yell, I didn’t get mad or annoyed, they could do no wrong because they are still here. I made them the dinner of their choice. I let them eat it in front of the TV. I let them watch 2 movies. I made them popcorn and gave them cookies. I just wanted to be near them and hear them breath. The weekend continued in much the same way and every time I looked at their smiling faces or heard them laugh, it warmed my heart and made it ache at the same time.

So now on the eve of another school day I have fear. Fear that I shouldn’t have. I have a fear of sending my children to school. School. A place that should be safe. I am doing everything I can to protect my kids from cavities, illness, accidents, bullies, bee stings and broken bones but how do I protect my kids from shootings at school? HOW?

Back when I was in elementary school we used to have fire drills to practise for potential fires. 30 years later and my kids are practising school lock down drills to prepare for the unthinkable threat. This reality is terrifying. The truth is that we HAVE to send them out into this wicked world and threats are everywhere. But when I do send them out the door to get on the school bus tomorrow I want them to know that they are loved and cherished and valued every moment of every day and if they ask me for a pony or a litter of puppies, I just might get it for them.